When I was turning 30 I had a mini pre-30 crisis and tried a bunch of new things in a short space of time . This included learning to play the blues harmonica, rock climbing, poetry workshops, Buddhist workshops, yoga, guitar lessons. Basically what I learned was how fickle I was. Nothing stuck and everything i sort of dipped my toe into and that was it. Box ticked. I had a hunch through my rubbish commitment to friendships and the long list of books bought and unread in my bookshelf that I was fickle , and this was further proof in my mind. The whole experience cemented the fact that I was a depressingly lacklustre, commitment-phobe, fair-weather, fickle person. With no dedication or real lasting interest in things.Great. Well at least knew myself a bit better!
4 years on and i am about to give it another shot. Perhaps I approached it with the wrong view – maybe the fun is actually in trying new and varied things even if it is just once, rather than being a disappointed self critic afterwards because none of them ‘stuck’.
So here we go- the plan is to try something new or out of my comfort zone every 2-3 weeks and see how I get on…. wish me luck!
Will keep you updated!
We all have worries, the rational tend to be work related, family related and relationship related for me , in that order also unfortunately. These go into the ‘rational’ thoughts box . But what about the rest? The irrational thoughts- they go down here…. here are this weeks 10 irrational thoughts:
1. Has my daughter deliberately stopped saying mummy on purpose because she secretly hates me… and prefers her dad, and hates me and is mentally blocking my name out for good because she hates me? Does she hate me….? (live-time thought process) …she hates me.
2. My chin hair needs constant maintenance now. What if I end up in a coma and no one plucks it for me and I grow a beard.
3. Am I sad and old because I left the bar before 10pm on a Saturday?
4. Easter eggs everywhere – how can I eat them all without getting fat? Will Easter egg chocolate sugar ultimately give me some sort of chocolate related sugar cancer? Is that a thing?
5. Have I got a disease or infection lying dormant in me from the snakes and lizards at the petting zoo we took my daughter to at the weekend?
6. What if a cat gets into the garage when the door is open and dies in there from hunger.
7. Am I old because I don’t use snapchat?
8. Are the people receiving my eBay items going to kick off if all the clothes are bobbly? Were they even bobbly? Am I going to get a rubbish feedback and be banned by eBay because of bobbly clothes? Why do I still not understand my washing machine? Maybe it’s broken – why didn’t I fill in that warrantee piece of paper? How can I be an adult?
9. Why can’t I do my eyeliner flick properly EVER? Does this also mean I am past it?
10. Why do I keep wearing my pants on inside out without realising? Does this mean I have an early memory loss problem. Will I have to go into a home and who will pay for the home ?
….. and breathe.
Wow. My last day being 32 today. Today i actually had a 15 minute shower. This is unheard of over the past few years. It was amazing…ah I miss long showers. Anyway i digress…. So, in the shower (the 15 minute shower…!) I was reflecting over what has happened to me during the age of 32. Quite a bit it seems…:
- I bought my first house and got on the property ladder.
- I left London after 6 and a half years, and went back to the Midlands.
- I changed jobs, and learned a LOT about my professional self with that, and the world as a whole on motherhood and full time work, MASSIVE eye-opener but that is another story!
- My daughter turned 1, and I experienced lots of new Mum firsts. We had her first birthday, first Christmas, first words (mama!) , first steps, first nursery days, first solid foods, LOTS of firsts.
- I turned vegetarian and will never go back.
- I started on my minimalism journey. That sounds mega pretentious so I will rephrase – I looked at all the crap i had and threw most of it away in some form, and now I live with less. That includes my wardrobe which has been a life changer!
- I got into debt. Bit of a bummer leaving the age of 32 with debt…
- I started an online shop selling baby clothes with my sister. Learned a lot so far!
- I stared blogging.
- I was a bridesmaid for the first time. That was lovely.
- I had a 15 minute shower hurrah!
Its been a really significant year for me with so much change and lots of crazy emotions always. Looking forward to being 33 and I guess my current goals for this next year include:
- Get OUT OF DEBT.
- Go on a holiday – it has been SO many years.
- Figure out how to meditate. Maybe explore Buddhism, or find something like that to learn about.
- Go Vegan. Yep, this has to happen.
- Keep winging it at motherhood hopefully with lots of laughter and staying present.
Off to celebrate now with a fancy afternoon tea. How different to when i was 23 and getting ready for another drunken all nighter/weekend bender.